Run-in With Johnny Law

So an interesting thing happened the other day. My wife was away at our church's Women's Retreat, leaving the Two Blonde Boys and I to fend for ourselves. Being the wonderful cook that I am, I stopped off and picked up two pizzas from Little Caesar's (Pizza! Pizza!) on the way home from coaching volleyball.

The youngest Blonde Boy and I headed upstairs to watch "Here Comes Peter Cottontail" (for the 1,000th time) while the oldest Blonde Boy stayed downstairs to play on the XBox 360 that is hooked up to my early birthday present.

After about an hour or so, there's a knock at my door (unheard by me) and my oldest informs me that the police are at the door. The officers asked if I owned the gold Saturn in the driveway (I do) and if I had an older son that may have been driving it earlier (I don't).

They proceeded to tell me that my car - with my license plat, mind you - was seen driving recklessly just 30 minutes earlier. I tried to explain to the man that (1) I usually don't drive the Saturn (why would I when I can drive my F150 SuperCrew?); (2) my wife usually drives the car, but that she hadn't taken it out all day; and (3) not only did I not drive the car that day, but I had been at home during the time in question. They asked me if I had been wearing a hat earlier. I had (I was coaching!).

Johnny Law then informed me that, "I'm not saying that you were driving recklessly and I'm not saying that you weren't, but if you were, you need to be more careful."

After a few back and forths of me explaining it to the "nice officer" (actually, he was pretty arrogant) that there was no way it could have been me, they left.

The kicker is that the whole time they were talking to me (the innocent guy), there were some idiots behind my house spinning donuts in their truck. My neighbors went out to tell them about it, but they left without doing anything! The guys were still there spinning out and screwing around after they left.

So I called a buddy who told me someone in a gold Saturn has pulled around his car like a maniac, flipping him off as they did. He said it was car full of high school girls. I asked if the driver was wearing a hat... She was.

A pretty unbelievable finish to my day last Friday! I don't know what was worse, being falsely accused or being mistaken for a girl!